Ryan Alexander Lovett, by his mother, Tamara

You can take what you want to send to whomever.

Last month I attended a parents gathering at the children’s hospital where they held their yearly memorial for parents who have ‘lost’ their children. And suddenly I am looking at a picture of my happy boy and another wave of emotion starts to run over me.  Just over 3 months ago my child died in my arms. StrepA has a 50% mortality rate. I ended up on the losing side. My world was shattered. There is no vernacular to describe how I ‘feel’…except to gauge my inner/outer energy and consider whether or not to engage…sometimes I am not able to give and sometimes I am compelled to move as Ryan’s energy inspires me onwards and upwards instead of completing shutting down.  ‘Feeling’ has taken on a whole new meaning… there is no ‘letting go’…what do I do? How do I feel?

At the children’s hospital service a father spoke to the group. Last year a little boy named Hayden drowned at Sylvan Lake. This father was sharing with us his experience sometime after the accident  of how, when he was playing with his other child, he came to the awareness that we who have lost a loved one know: ‘that moment when you are not thinking/grieving over your loss’ which is then followed by instant sadness as your memory engages…however at this moment the father felt Haydon’s ‘presence’ and in his mind’s eye was shown an open door in front of him and an open door behind him…Haydon’s message to his father was simple; walking through the open door in front of you doesn’t close the door behind you.  Moving on doesn’t have to feel like you are losing all over again. I started to feel a sense of peace in that moment.

I am thankful that the father chose to share that story as it also helps to illustrate what I experience on a moment to moment basis.  The constant ‘signs’ or ‘messages’ or whatever you would call them, coincidences or serendipitous encounters, magical moments and connections, are too many to deny…Ryan was present and showing me, and the people who bore witness, that there is more to ‘reality’ than what we will allow ourselves to consider and what we are capable of denying ourselves.  I have had the human experience of losing something that was once a part of me…I didn’t know that was on my ‘list’ of things to do while visiting Earth…somehow I missed that part of the in-flight manual.  And now I was learning how to come to terms with this.

Consider how Ryan made you feel and act.  Everything I did was for him and his brother’s future …a win-win for all; building community through freedom of expression and sustainable actions. Except I have learned the hardest way that not everyone plays fair and apathy rules apathetically.   Ryan was on an adventure and knew what he was in for when he came through…and now he is a Rainbow Warrior guiding each of us.  He naturally engaged with all he met as equals and was all inclusive. And he wants me to relay the most important message of peace which will truly heal this planet:

WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED WITH THE TOILET, CLOSE THE TOILET COMPLETELY – EVERYONE – 2 things will happen:  1.   minimize poo/pee particles when flushing;   2.   close the UP/DOWN debate once and for all!  And yes folks, we had this conversation last year…he said, rightly so, that we should close the toilet completely. Then there is no question and the air doesn’t smell.  My little baby, our little buddy – see you on the other side!

There will be a pot-luck celebration in Ryan’s honour at Cliff Bungalow Community Centre Saturday June 15 from 2-4pm.  If you would like to offer up a tribute in Ryan’s name please consider the following:

1. Ryan was a 2^nd year Beaver Scout at the 18^th Unit.  He loved going and never missed a week! We collected bottles to fundraise for Scout activities and the Veterans Food Bank. Your support would be greatly appreciated to help continue his legacy.

2. Ryan was an artist. He spent his formative years hanging in some infamous galleries around town.  He would want you to consider supporting local galleries Art Spot, Motion Gallery, Gorilla House and Art Point.

3. Ryan was a gardener. He knew what it took to grow nutritious food although getting him to eat some of it was a challenge!  Take the time to learn about growing your own food and what is happening to the global food chain. Ryan’s good friend Mac has a dad who started Grow Calgary. Support local sustainable initiatives.

4. A friend set up the “Ryan Lovett Scholarship for Painting” at ACAD.

Blessing to each of you and thank you for being a part of our lives.